Miscellany and Trivia

Anecdotes about Masons – One

MTr 2

64 Letters

One evening after a brother had been a guest at an installation, he had partaken of too much wine, and his host was very worried, as he did not want him to drive home in his present state which was some distance away, so insisted that he stay the night at his house, and travel home the next morning, and after much persuasion this is what he did.When he got home the next morning, his wife was furious with him because he had forgotten to phone, and she did not believe his story about staying with a brother because of the state he was in, but wondered if he had been with another women, however she pretended to believe him, by asking how the ceremony had gone, and asked how many other brethren had been there and all the regular questions that wives do ask, and he told her that it had been an excellent Lodge meeting and that 65 brethren had turn up etc. However at the next Lodge meeting when the secretary rose to read out correspondence, he read a letter from the wife asking if the brother where her husband had stayed the night after the last lodge meeting would please write to her and confirm his story that he had stayed the night at his house because he was unfit to drive home.The next day in the post she received 64 letters.

Anecdotes about Masons – Two

MTr 3

A Letter

A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to GOD. The postman, seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it. It was from a man who was down on his luck, and was asking God for help. The letter asked for $50 to get his family through the next week. The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow. The Masons, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars from the brethren. The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did. Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to GOD. Again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send any future funds through the Knights of Columbus, as the Masons had kept half.

Anecdotes about Masons – Three

MTr 4

A new candidate

A new candidate was riding his pushbike to the Temple for his Initiation but was running late. About half way there his chain broke and noticing his dilemma, a truck driver suggested that if he were to hold the short length of rope tied to the back of the truck, he could get towed to Lodge and get there on time. When eventually asked in the Ceremony how he came to Freemasonry, he replied “By my own free wheel and a cord!”

Anecdotes about Masons – Four

MTr 5

Renovation .. ?

The temple board consisting of several old and frugal Master Masons were meeting to discuss the replacement of the lodge hall. After months of meetings, they finally declared that they had worked out the way to build a new lodge hall without spending any more money than needed. They stipulated three conditions that would be a cost savings. No. 1 – They would build the new lodge hall on the site of the current lodge hall. No. 2 – They would use as much of the materials from the original lodge hall in construction of the new lodge hall and No. 3 – They would continue to use the old lodge hall until the new one was built.

Anecdotes about Masons – Five

MTr 6

Driving Home

A Brother was driving home after a Lodge meeting, and a festive board which had consisted on many takings of wine. Sure enough a blue light followed the car, and he pulled over to the side of the road. Thinking that the policeman might be a Freemason, he placed his driving license and insurance documents in his ritual book.

When the police officer asked for his driving license he made a great play of taking it from his ritual book, but the policeman made no reaction whatsoever. The same with his insurance documents. 

He was then asked to blow into the breathalyzer which proved positive. He gave the sign of distress, which was ignored. The policeman started to write notes in his pocket book. At this point, the Brother was needing to go to the toilet, so asked the Police Officer if he could retire to the bushes in order to restore himself to his personal comforts.

The officer replied “Certainly sir, and on your return, I shall read to you a charge.....”

Anecdotes about Lawyers – One

MTr 2

A reasonable fee

 A man phones a lawyer and asks, “How much would you charge for just answering three simple questions?”

The lawyer replies, “A thousand dollars.”       

“A thousand dollars!” exclaims the man. “That’s very expensive, isn't it?”

It certainly is,” says the lawyer. “Now, what's your third question?”

 

Anecdotes about Lawyers – Two

MTr 3

Problem at the zoo

Someone mistakenly left the cages open in the Reptile House at the zoo and there were snakes slithering all over the place.

Frantically, the keeper tried everything, but he couldn't get the slippery animals back into their cages. Finally, he yelled, “Quick, call a lawyer!”

“A lawyer? Why”       

We need someone who speaks their language.”

Anecdotes about Lawyers – Three

MTr 4

Lawyer and Engineer

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean when they got to talking. The lawyer mentioned, “I'm here because my house burned down and everything got destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”

That's quite a coincidence,” remarked the engineer. “I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood. My insurance company, too, paid for everything.”

There was a brief pause, and hen the puzzled lawyer asked, “How do you start a flood?”

 

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